These Phrases from My Parent That Saved Me as a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the actual experience rapidly proved to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her main carer as well as caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… every walk. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his father, on a park bench, that led him to understand he needed help.

The simple statement "You are not in a healthy space. You must get assistance. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, less is said about the struggles new fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are linked to a wider inability to open up amongst men, who still internalise negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a sign of weakness to ask for help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially in front of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the chance to take a respite - spending a few days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He realised he required a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the expression of emotion and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "poor choices" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the hurt.

"You find your way to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a family member, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before the baby arrived. It could be playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can support your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their struggles, transformed how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… processing things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, on occasion I believe my purpose is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."