🔗 Share this article Navigating my Desire for Casual Encounters While Pursuing a Committed Partnership Being a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent many, mostly enjoyable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I was in a committed partnership that lasted a significant period, but I never felt completely content, because I didn't experience love nor intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Every time I begin to date a potential partner, once the newness dwindles, an impulse arises to be intimate with other men again. Questioning the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to maintain a faithful partnership. I understand that many homosexual males engage in open relationships, but when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed like hard work, frequently causing lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. In many ways, I want another man to love me while letting me pursue other intimacies, however I fear the emotional drain this would cause. Should I just keep having spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a long-term relationship is not possible? I feel a bit lost. Every person’s sexual journey fluctuates. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your capacity to tolerate various forms of sexual unions in a finite way. What you need in your current state may well change down the road; at a certain time you may find yourself less ambivalent and discover greater understanding and a suitable route … or perhaps not. At some point you might meet a person offering a life-changing chance for you by reflecting your desires completely … and later on you may choose that casual connections are best for you. Fretting over what lies ahead and playing the “What if?” game is merely rooted in fear and a waste of your energy. Aim to stay in the moment in your relationships, and recognize the value of each person you connect with intimately an intimate bond. If and when you are ever ready to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, you will know. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based therapy professional who specialises in treating sexual disorders.